Call me Mrs. Crohn's



Pre Crohn's 2008


Crohn’s disease is an ongoing disorder that causes inflammation of the digestive tract, also referred to as the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. It can affect any area of the GI tract, from the mouth to the anus, but is more commonly found in the end of the small bowel (ileum) and the beginning of the large intestine (colon).

The damaging inflammation resulting from Crohn’s may cause pain and may make the intestines empty frequently, resulting in diarrhea. Crohn’s is one of the inflammatory bowel diseases.  
Unlike UC, which affects only the colon, Crohn’s can affect the entire digestive tract, with normal, healthy bowel found between sections of diseased bowel.

Truth be told, in my house, I am Mrs. Crohn's for probably 1/3-1/2 of the year. "Flare ups" are a process that consume weeks and months of my husband's precious time. Each flare weighs heavier on his spirit as I know he hopes that with the last flare ending, he was cured. There is no cure.He has been through 6 medications to try and get a grip on the inflammatory process in his body. Each of which have caused havoc on his other systems including his thyroid (now needs another medication because it is low) his liver and pancreas (has to keep a close eye because he now has fatty liver disease and high blood sugars).


In the hospital with his first BAD flare. This was his 25th birthday.



The first line of medications in steroids (not the muscle building kind) while these reduce the inflammation, they have more side effects than I could possible talk about in one post.  I have heard more than once "I would rather they cut out my guts then go back on steroids". I know he means that. The steroids that keep him from sleeping and give him an unsatisfiable appetite, subsequently gaining weight. They lower his immune system so that he basically constantly has a chest cold while he is on them.  The steroids drive the calcium out of his bones causing osteoporosis. At one point he was told not to fall down because his bones were so brittle that he was likely to break his neck.

He has been through 5 Gastroenterologists, 3 primary care doctors and one naturopath. He is scared to ask for pain medication when he needs it because of the doctors that have made him feel like he is abusing them (thanks to all the narcotic addicts out there, there is a stigma). We have paid thousands of dollars into this disease and have an immense amount of debt.  He is embarrassed of his disease. He did NOTHING to cause it.

Last month, still on steroids from Nov. 2012 Flare.

I'm sure if Colt knew this information was publicly displayed on my blog, he would get upset and ask me to take it off. However, there are too many people that are critical of me and of him and of us! These people ought to be educated on what we have gone through, what we are going through.

There arises the questions and speculations, (gotta love these!)

Q: If you would have known that he had Crohn's....

A: I didn't know and I'm assuming that there is a reason for that. I know now and I love him anyway. I vowed in sickness and health and I meant it.

Q: Why do you put up with.....

A: Imagine that for a month, you are sick as a dog with parvo. In the bathroom 70% of the time and in CONSTANT pain. Now, for a month, you are reducing your pain and bathroom trips but the medication you are taking keeps you awake for days on end, makes you super emotional and constantly hungry. You are gaining weight at a crazy rate and you have a chronic chest cold. POOF! ALL BETTER, no pain, less diarrhea and no meds. But after 2-3 months of this sick life, are you able to go back to your old routine right away? Hurry up! Lose that extra 20 pounds you just gained! Move around the house like you haven't been laid up for months! Go back to work (if your job will take you back)!

Speculation: He is faking/exaggerating.

My reaction: Really?! I have seen way too much of his disease to think that he is faking or exaggerating any of it. I mean, of all the diseases you could fake, why choose one that puts you on the toilet for half the day. If you really think this of him, I invite you to come stay at my house for a week next time he gets sick. Don't leave his side. Then tell me that you could handle the disease any better than he does.

Sometimes, I am sick of carrying everything. Sometimes, I'm tired of being the glue. I would prefer to be Velcro and hold half. You catch my drift right? Colt and I were placed in each other's lives for a reason. I was meant to be his wife and I know that with all my heart. In times that I am tired and want to blame him for my heavy load, I must remind myself of his load. And in addition to this, he has the guilt of not being an "equal half". He doesn't get the pleasure that I do. At least with my load, I'm helping the people I love. We have yet to find the reason, if any that he was cursed with this disease. We have yet to see that rainbow through this rain of hopes and disappointments. I strongly urge anyone that has input, to put your self in Colt's situation, or mine. If you can't, take me up on my offer and come see it for yourself.

 You don't get to pick the cards you are dealt but its up to you how you play your hand.

3/9/2013 00:39:29=5k

I didn't publicise it too much but I signed up for my first ever 5k a couple months ago. I was to run on team named for the daughter of a girl I went to high school with that has been fighting Leukemia. My heart breaks to think of what this little girl goes through every day and for her parents that wake each morning not knowing what the day has in store for their daughters health.
For my own reasons, I wanted to run. I wanted to have a reason to train. I have never officially run in a race. I did, however use to run 3.2 miles to/from work in Payson on a regular basis.....2 &1/2 years ago. I have been wanting to make the plunge and sign on for a 5k for a long time. I just thought once I actually committed to it, I would train....
Me? Plan ahead? NO! I procrastinate everything in life, even training. I was working out 3 or 4 days a week prior to this and the boot-camp style workouts just exhausted me so that I did not have the energy to go outside and run! I timed myself once 40 minutes I got 2.7 miles. UGH! I just knew that I was going to suck at this run. I just knew that I was going to be walking with a little jogging. But... "It's OK" I thought. This will be my first time to beat. As long as I improve my time at my next race.
Let it be known that I have some cardiac issues. Not really sure what the issue is but the cardiologist decided to call it "Exercise induced Supra-ventricular tachycardia". What this really means is that when I work out, my heart races up to 210 beats per minute! 160 beats per minute without even trying hard. This makes working out a scary thing for me because I know I am making my heart work too hard but I don't know if I am ever going to improve it if I don't get some cardio!
My plan for my race was to try and pace myself but to jog only until my heart rate hits 195, then walk until it gets below 160 then jog again.In the little bit of training I did, my heart rate was typically 190 within 3 minutes of jogging.  It was an oddly cold, wet morning. My joints were so stiff. I told myself, I would walk for the first 5 minutes to get warmed up and then start my jogging intervals from there. I never once thought "I'm tired" or, "my heart is too fast" or "I have to walk for a little bit"  I walked for 5 minutes, and then some how, jogged for 34minutes 29seconds my heart rate staying between 188-196 the whole time. I don't know how or why I was able to do this. 5 minutes of jogging passed, I told myself '5 more minutes, this is fine'. Then after ten minutes I knew I could do ten more. After 20 minutes I became an expert at lowering my heart rate with my thoughts! I was going to FINISH jogging. I am 5'2 with a long torso. This leaves me with a short stride. My jog is rate is between 5 &5.5 mph. Not fast, but tell my heart that!
I told Colt not to come because of the weather. I crossed that finish line and with my adrenaline pumping...realized that because I under-estimated my ability, no one was there to share my moment with me(I kinda wanted to cry). But as I walked around, to let my heart rate lower slowly, I had a moment of actualization that I don't think I would have been able to enjoy if I were not alone. I realized that I was able to tell my heart to slow down several times over those 34 minutes and it responded.
Now I have a time to beat and I am hungry to do it! I am convinced that my heart, mind, body, life will do what I tell it to do. This isa beginning for me. A beginning to new and wonderful things happening to me. Please, watch my transformation and apply the same principles in your life. Positive thoughts=positive outcomes.

what I can do....

I can't feed the world's hungry.
I can't create world peace.
I can't hold every abandoned, starving, or dying child and tell them that I love them.
I can't make people change.
I can't Cure my husband's Crohns.
I can't stop my boys from growing up.
I can't make any body in my house clean more.
I can't make anyone be a better parent.
I can't get utilities for free.
I can't make Doctors care more than they want to. Not about my patients. Not about my family.
I can't make Athan understand that his life is great.
I can't decide when anyone dies.
I can't make medication work.
I can't make people change.
I can't make enough money.
I can't understand why anyone, would ever hurt a child.
I can't have anymore than 24 hours in a day.
I can't have a regular sleep schedule.
I can't change any one's life, not even mine.



I can do the dishes.
I can do the laundry.
I can feed my children three meals a day (most of the time)
I can take a bath at night if I have the energy.
I can go to work full time and make enough money to support my family.
I can teach third and first grade.
I can kiss each one of my kids every day and tell them how much I love them.
I can control whether or not I have any more children.
I can choose to "keep" my husband, and love him.
I can feel secure in my marriage.
I can turn on the water and the lights.
I can trust my husband with all my heart.
I can go to bed at night and fall asleep, stay asleep through the night.
I can find a balance between work and family and do my best to leave each at the door when I transition.
I can hold my head up and do what needs to be done in any situation.
I can see my siblings and parents as often as I can.
I can adapt, evolve, change as life needs me to.
I can look into a person's eyes and see who they are.
I can have the best life, today, right now.
I can do all these things, by myself if I have to, like I have had to so many times.


These are a few of the things that run through my head, at midnight when I realize that Colt is too sick to do the dishes before bed like we planned. I had just gotten out of a relaxing bath, was ready for bed, then I saw the sink, and looked at my poor husband curled up on the couch. I was angry. At him, at his disease, at my life. Then, I realized. That being angry or sad was dumb. I am not the one curled up in a ball from pain, nor do I want to be. I would rather do the dishes. Why do we waste our emotions on such petty things? What's the use of getting so upset over a sink full of dishes? I strive that one day, I do not have to have this talk with myself.