Happy Anniversay!

Colt and I shared our 7 year wedding anniversary on the 8th of this November! We always say that we are going to get a sitter and leave town for a weekend to celebrate but when the time comes, we would rather spend the day with our boys. I figure we will have plenty of anniversaries later, when the kids are not around.

I was informed that 7 years is significant. I guess the rule is "If you can make it to 7, you are gonna last". I don't really know if I agree with this. Colt and I have been through so many more hurdles than years. We got married so young and did everything backwards. We are polar opposites on the outside but nothing less than soul mates in every way that matters. In the last 7 years we have never gone one day without saying "I love you". We always kiss goodbye. We are not afraid to argue. We know each other better than we know ourselves. I know that no matter what the question is, I can ask Colt and I will get an honest answer. He is committed to me in every way possible. We have been blessed with the absolutely best boys anyone could ask for!

When we eloped, we said that someday we would have a big deal vow renewal ceremony. Maybe for the ten year.... we will keep you posted.

No Way Is This Baby 6 Months Old!

I absolutely cannot believe that my little Calvin is 6 months old. I feel like time is seriously escaping me and I gotta say, it literally makes me cry. I think about how it seems like Damen was just born and poof he is 7! Athan was just born and now almost 6. Before I know it, Calvin will be 7, and Damen and Athan will be teenagers! The lump this thought puts in my throat is suffocating.

At 6 months old, Calvin has quite the personality! He is a happy baby! If I plan to take him anywhere, I gotta have the time to stop, and let people gush over him because he smiles at everyone. For some reason, the average stranger thinks that if a baby is smiling at you, this means they want you to touch their hands..... The average stranger also probably thinks that the really cute smiling baby has a really crazy, protective mother. So what!

While Calvin loves to smile at people he is not so much a smiler for the Camera. The few pictures I have of him smiling at the camera are my favorites because his whole face and my heart light up when he smiles.

He snores! My goodness does this baby snore. He is constantly full of snot (allergies no doubt). I am able to get him to eat fruits and veggies. I decided not to push him on the grains (thanks for the advice Brooke!) He is eating about one small jar of fruits or veggies twice a day. I have a friend from work that makes baby food for her son, this is Calvin's favorite! Maybe in my spare time, I can learn how she does it.

He reaches for everything! If you have Calvin in your lap and you are holding something, he wants it. He is much better for me at night than he is for Colt when I am working. He tends to fight sleeping more for him, and cries which he hardly ever cries for me so, this makes me sad. When I get home in the morning and he sees me, he is nothing but giggles. He loves his Mommy and I love him right back.

I noticed about a month ago that he is totally tongue tied. He cannot stick his tongue out past his lips. This does not seem to bother him one bit right now, he is able to eat and drink just fine. I am a little conflicted on whether or not to get it clipped because I can't bear the thought of hurting him and I like to think that is how he is made so I have no business changing him. However, the speech impediment can be so severe and why not do it not rather than when he is learning to pronounce words?

No teeth yet. I'm guessing these could start pretty late considering he was early. That is perfectly fine with me as I am not looking forward to the biting. I kind of skipped purchasing 3-6 month clothes, I'm starting to think it is an unnecessary size. He still fits into onsies and even some 0-3 month PJ's, I got out the 6-9 month items that I had stored and they fit him loosely. I hate admitting that any of his clothes are too small on him! I like to think of trying to dress him in newborn clothes and laughing because they did not even come close to fitting!

Everyone says he looks surprised....I think his eyes are just wide, everyone said the same thing about Damen, he grew into his eyes just fine!

He rolls, scoots barely, he would honestly rather be held than on the floor practicing moving around on his own. I can't help but give into him on this. A month ago, I took him to the Doctor to get checked out, he had a little cold but I could hear wheezing in his lungs with my stethoscope. At the doctor's office, we discovered Calvin was having a hard time breathing when he lays on his back, his oxygen saturation was insufficient. Poor baby! He got to have some breathing treatments for the wheezing but learning that he was having a hard time when he was sick made me wonder if he always has a bit of a hard time and that is why he doesn't like to be laid on the floor. I pretty much pick him up when he whines either way....Hopefully I don't regret it later.

I am so blessed to have this boy in my life! He has made the Nielson family shine even brighter than it did before! I look forward to all he has to offer.

Heavy Heart, Happy Times

"Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

Constant thoughts of family and friends has my heart heavy lately. Or perhaps the stress of the holidays, the decreased doses of Arizona sunshine. Maybe it is simply some delayed post-partum depression. No matter where the heaviness in my heart has come from, there is no denying that I am spending a whole lot of time, inside my own mind, analyzing life and not coming up with many solutions. I'm not at all unhappy. I just feel like there is something missing that could make me a little more happy, there is something I am lacking.

"Never mistake motion for action" -Ernest Hemingway

There has been, as usual, a lot going on for our Family! The boys going to school 5 days a week, they continue to have jujitsu class twice weekly. I think everyone has been sick in the month of November, except for me, I don't have time to get sick. I am working 3 nights a week at the Hospital, sometimes 4. Colt works when he can. Between work being slow and his Crohns flares, he is home a lot. He doesn't mind, and I don't mind if he doesn't. Working full time for me isn't ideal but I went to college for a reason and supporting my family is what I need to do. My boys are loved! If I am meant to be a stay at home mom, we will win the lottery. In the mean time, hi ho hi ho. We are lucky to be able to have a one-income household and get by. My job is enough to pay the bills and feed our growing family, that is all we really need.

"Prosperity is only an instrument to be used, not a deity to be worshipped." -Calvin Coolidge

I have had a few incidents at work with patients and fellow nurses that...don't care. Whether about themselves or others, not caring, makes me sad. I hate to look at a person and see emptiness. I realize that I am very blessed and that I have reaped what I have sewn in both fortune and misfortune, but to live day to day in shallow, darkness and resent me? Why? Why not take an opportunity to defeat the odds and rise above what has been laid out for you? Why wallow in self pity and anger towards those that have no control over your situation. The media is over run with self-indulgent people that have no regard for other human emotions. Sickens my soul.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." -Samuel Johnson

I like to take opportunities like these to do some soul searching. Try to find the root of my hearts heaviness and either come to terms with it or do what needs to be done to relieve it. These quotes are all from honest tea bottles that I drank from over a year ago. The inner label had these quotes printed on them, I liked them so I cut them out and taped them to my pen box at work.

For the record. I miss my sisters. I am extremely "homesick" with out them and the east coast is so far away. I realize that I have not a plane nor the money for a ticket so all I can do I try my hardest to talk to them often and embrace the siblings that are close and try and mend any emotional distance we may have, if possible. It is becoming apparent to me that growing up didn't take place when I moved out of my parents house, or when I had a baby, or when I got married, it is happening now. I have to learn to adjust to life not as the middle child of seven or the middle sister of 5. (Hillary: we need more pictures together! I'm positive that some exist however, between my phone and FB there were none that I could find! This is unacceptable to me.)

Despite all the heaviness in my heart, the heavy schedule continues. The boys each had a school Thanksgiving play, so cute! I worked all around Thanksgiving but Colt cooked a wonderful meal! It was our first time hosting Thanksgiving in our home and I think it went great! The food was seriously the best I have ever had! My husband rocks! Poor Damen was sick almost the whole week of Thanksgiving with a tummy bug which is still making its way through our family. He is missing from the picture with santa because he didn't feel good. Athan informed me that was not the real Santa because he smelled like swiss cheese and his beard was falling off! Way to go Walmart Santa!

Busy Times

Needless to say, the last two weeks have been Crazy!

Soccer

We brought the fall soccer season to an end. Those who may not know I was coaching Damen and Athan's Soccer team (Green Ninjas) since August. I maybe would have pictures to show except my photographer was so into watching the games that he didn't take pictures! It was the first time that the boys played a sport and were on the same team. Had I not been begged to coach and accepted, It would have been a big break for me. I case you are wondering, the town of Payson didn't' call me up and ask me to coach because of my super soccer skills. Apparently this tiny town has a real lack of parents that are not "too busy" to coach their kids team. Of coarse I agreed because I LOVE spreading myself too thin! I'm sure I will coach next season too. I really enjoyed seeing my boys competitive sides come to life this season. Damen impressed me several times with his skill. Athan kept score at every game (we always lost).

Jujitsu

We went to another jujitsu tournament at the end of October. It was by far the smallest of the tournaments that we have gone to. There was only one other kid in Damen and Athan's weight class which just so happened to be their trainer's daughter. Athan received First place in the No-Gi division, Damen second. In the Gi division, Damen received first while Athan got second. No matter the size of the weight class, Athan got his first, First-place trophy!

Room Swap

After the competition we went across Phoenix to buy a crib and changing table that I found on Craigslist. I got a super good deal on the set. It is a higher end brand and I couldn't be more happy with it! In my next post I will share pics and the semi humorous story of transporting my loot:) As well as the pictures of my new and improved house after switching the boys' room again! For now, here's a sneak peek with a super cute baby eating his feet on his new changing table.

Halloween
Halloween is probably one of my least favorite holidays. I don't like the costumes my boys choose. I don't like that they wander the neighborhood after dark. I don't like that they come home with a bucket full of candy. This year... there was one good thing about the holiday.....

THIS BUNNY COSTUME!

My mother-in-law made this costume 26 years ago for my sister in law. I put it on him and didn't want to take it off. Calvin wearing this costume was what made my holiday. Damen chose to be a skull-lord ninja and Athan a heartless zombie. Walmart makes these costumes in the sizes! Gwendolyn I believe is Cinderella. She was absolutely beautiful and made me happy to have three boys! She will be a woman before we know it!

I don't think Calvin cared about his costume either way. He was mostly just amazed at all the crazy looking people surrounding him.

Athan somehow ended up with horns.... I found him watching television, sitting in the living room and wearing his horns like it was normal. Creepy kid.

5 Months Old!!!
To celebrate Calvin being 5 months old, I started him on some cereal once a day in the evening. He started with Rice cereal and LOVED it. He ate it like he was starving! Yelling at me between every bite! After a week of successful rice cereal feedings, I decided to introduce oatmeal. This grain has me puzzled. After the first feeding he became constipated so I waited until he was back on track before any more feedings. After the next feeding, he got very sick with diarrhea and vomiting. He has since had a cold so he hasn't been getting any cereal at night. I'm really hoping he doesn't have any intolerance's to food! Either way, I am thinking his highchair is his new favorite place!

On Attatchment

Sometimes I don't appreciate my "aha" moments. Like when they are regarding myself and why I do some things that I do. I cracked open a fortune cookie yesterday and read my fortune. "On attachment: the harder you hold on, the less you have." We will get back to that.

I was watching the most interesting documentary the other day about a family located somewhere in Asia. The nearest school for children older than 10, is 60 miles away. In order for children to get an education, they have to travel over an icy river and leave their families for 6 months of the year. The journey takes 6 days one way, walking!

How blessed are we that we have the right to take our children to school and pick them up everyday. I don't have to kiss my 10 year old goodbye for 6 months for the sake of getting an education. I have spent countless hours complaining about the educational system in this country (especially Arizona) and everything that is wrong with it. Watching that documentary, truly humbled me.

Some people say, I'm over protective of the boys. It doesn't bother me that people think that. They are mine and mine to raise and I will protect them how I please. The day Damen was born, as I stared at him all night, I thought to my self; I am responsible to raise this baby and make sure that he turns out to be the best adult he can be. What pressure! I have done my best (most of the time) to be sure that my children get the best I can give them. Sometimes, that means they might be a little more protected than other children. So what! If the worst thing I do to them is protect them too much, I can live with that.

So there has come the time with Damen being 7 and Athan 5, that I have had to ask myself if what I am doing is protecting them or being too attached. The truth is, I am extremely anxious if my kids are not with me. I just do not feel like anyone can look after them the way I can. I'm sure this is not true, but try and tell my anxious psyche that. What I am realizing now is that I CAN'T protect them from everything. Therefore, I need to learn how to not only protect but to be available to them after the trauma of the things I could not shelter them from rather than search for blame in why they were not protected in the first place. I have to teach them how to handle situations that they will commonly encounter as adolescents and adults. If I fail at that, my boys will end up as followers in this wicked world, rather than the leaders I have always envisioned them to be. I am denying them the opportunity to learn because I am too afraid for them to cross the icy river.

A simple fortune cookie started this look inside myself. It told me that the harder I hold on to my children being innocent children, that is what they will always be. And the less I will have because I will one day know that I did not prepare them for life. I gotta quit eating Chinese!

All Natural

So my latest "thing" has been eliminating chemicals from my family's day to day life. These chemicals include artificial colors and flavors in foods. Over the last few years, since Athan has shown "behavioral issues", I have asked his pediatrician for advice and he has always geared my towards his diet. For some unknown reason, just in the last month I have actually tried to eliminate artificials from his diet in hopes that his behavior might improve. Rather than singling out Athan for the change, our whole family tried it (Calvin counts because he drinks what I consume).

I was very nervous for my first shopping trip. In Payson we don't have a Trader Joes or Sprouts so I went thinking I was going to only be able to get a few things and my grocery bill would be outrageous. I was so wrong! There is an All Natural option for everything. I am saving money. I am having to go grocery shopping more often but we don't waste money on fast food or quick snacks. I have noticed a huge difference in Athan AND Damen. Damen seems to hear me more often and Athan's mood swings are way less volatile. The best part....I feel great! I have lost 5 pounds and I'm not even doing anything really different. Colt's Crohns acts up way less often. Calvin spits up less.

The more I think about the concept, the more it makes sense. Our bodies may not be poisoned by these FDA approved chemicals but that doesn't mean that out body doesn't react to them.

There is a downside. Getting the rest of the world on board. I seem like a hippy or a freak I'm sure. Just the other day when having dinner at a friend's house, Damen announced (because that's what he does) that he could not eat anything with artificial flavors or colors. Well one of the middle aged, guests that was also having dinner at this house, had a hay day harassing my children about it. "Hey can you eat that?!" He would say "are you sure there are no artificial colors or flavors in there?" it was really cute. A man in his mid 50s giving a 7 and 5 year old a hard time about their diet restrictions. What if they were allergic dude!? Well it just so happened that this guy was probably only 5 feet tall. Just a wee man ha! So I politely said to the boys in front of him "Mommy doesn't like for you to eat those artificials so that you can grow up to be healthy and strong! and tall..." (haha take that wee man!) I know I shouldn't have but come on! Besides the vertically challenged man, there will be other hurdles. Birthday parties, Halloween, School treats ect. But we will continue one day at a time until the world catches up.

I didn't have any pictures to go with this post about food so enjoy some silliness!

This one in particular is zoomed in. It was actually and nice family picture with all the Scott kids one Christmas. Nice Athan.

The Story of Calvin

First of all, I apologize for the photo quality....these are all uploaded from my phone. But, I cannot complain because it is super cool that I can blog from my phone so I will take what I can get!

Of my three perfect boys, Calvin is the one that we...anticipated. Athan was getting ready to start school, I was finished with college, had my career underway and the timing seemed right. Besides, I had decided that since I started having children at age 19, I wanted to be done by age 30 and I knew I wanted more so, what were we waiting for?

With in 2 weeks of "trying" to get pregnant, I was! I could not believe that after 4 &1/2 years of birth control, I was able to conceive like it was nothing! I truly know that I am blessed! I had decided to re check a pregnancy test that I had taken (and was negative) two days previously and low and behold...a faint positive line! So I preceded to take test after test until the line was dark enough that I couldn't deny it. First to know? HAYLEY! about an hour later, Colt :)

Due to some weird, sharp pains I was having, I went in for an ultrasound. I believed I was about 9 weeks or so. There was no fetus on the scan. The jerky ultrasound tech told me that I had not made a baby and to go home a wait to have a miscarriage. I went home, cried in the driveway to myself a little then went inside to tell Colt. I called my mom and my sisters and cried a little more. Then I decided to do what I always do when I want answers: research. My research kept leading me to stories of women who were told the same thing only to find a fetus on a later scan. ahhhh! I was driving myself insane. I quickly got off the Internet and called my doctor. She told me to keep taking my vitamins and that I would have a repeat ultrasound in a week to "confirm diagnosis". What a week I had! But... when the week was over and I heard that lub-dup at a rate of 140, I could quit holding my breath. There he was my little Calvin. Almost saying "I'm here mommy! Don't cry any more!"

From there, things moved on like a normal pregnancy. For me however...a little more paranoid.

When we went for the ultrasound, I was actually surprised. (I KNEW with both Damen and Athan before it was confirmed) ANOTHER BOY! Damen was mad at the technologist because he wanted a sister. He said he was just going to pretend that he was having a sister anyway! Present at the ultrasound: Colt, Hayley, Chelsea, Damen and Athan.

At 25 weeks, I had the bright idea to wear 5 inch wedges. I tripped. I caught myself but, pulled something and started having painful contractions. My doctor told me that I probably suffered a small tear in my placenta from the uterine wall and the slow bleeding was causing the contractions. A week later, on my birthday, I had to have my labor stopped with a shot called turbutaline. Terrible stuff! While in the hospital, I noticed my blood pressure was awfully low and decided to keep an eye on it at home.

Four weeks later, my blood pressure changed. I wasn't low anymore. Doctor placed me on bed rest. I had no other symptoms, just the high blood pressure. For four weeks I was a model patient. At home I stayed down! Only cheating when I thought I was going to go crazy if I had to sit another minute. I got rides to the hospital twice a week for all my tests. I took all my medications, checked my blood pressure frequently ( it was always high). I got the most painful 2 shots in my rear that I have ever had! (steroids to develop Baby's lungs in case he needed to be born early.) Memorial Day weekend, I was naughty! I was up Friday night to Hayley and Dugan's post-wedding open house. Saturday I cooked breakfast for the boys, I let Colt sleep in and snuck around doing laundry. Sunday I went to Mom and Dad's for lunch and played Apples to Apples with the family.....Sunday evening I got one heck of a belly ache! After 4 hours of the pain, I asked Colt "when did you want me to tell you that epigastric pain is something that I am suppose to have checked out?" he said "four hours ago!". I was positive that the hospital would do the usual thing, blood work, ultrasound, tell me to stay off my feet and send me home. Not the case. My blood work revealed I was suffering from a condition called HELLP syndrome. A deadly condition to pregnant women in which the only cure is delivery of the baby. Payson hospital has no NICU therefore cannot deliver a baby earlier than 36 weeks gestation. I was 35 weeks, 3 days and would certainly die of organ failure if I waited 4 days. So...after getting stuck 9 times to start an IV, they started Magnesium and, I got to ride in the helicopter. NOT FUN! I am scared of heights and wobbly helicopters so I would not ever like to do that again. I arrived @ St. Joesph's Hospital at about 4am. The nurses in the High risk OB department started pitocin as soon as I got there. I told one nurse that I expected to have a baby by 3pm going on how quickly I delivered my other two. She just smiled.

Pitocin to intensify contractions+Magnesium sulfate to relax muscles= the most intense pain I have EVER experienced. Worse than a kidney infection! Colt was great. We were not 100% on a name. We agreed on Maximus but I felt bad that my preemie would always be small, with a name like Maximus, just seemed cruel. I had previously ran the name Calvin by Colt and he didn't like it, at all. I loved it and tried to convince him of it repeatedly. He always shot it down. While he squeezed my hand during my most intense pain, he said "If you really want to, we can name him Calvin." Sweet man.

At exactly 6pm, Colt almost missed it, came Calvin. He was so tiny I wanted to hold him so bad but only was able to give a quick snuggle before he was taken to be checked out. He was breathing fine, he was crying great. He was just a little cold. 4lbs, 6oz. 17 1/4 inches long.

I finally got to hold him in recovery. Oh and, the way I look in that picture is not to be discussed. I had a rough day. That night Calvin had to stay in the nursery to keep his temperature up. The thermostat on my floor was broken so my room was probably about 60 degrees. I had to stay in my room because I had to stay on the Magnesium drip for 24 hours after he was delivered. Colt stayed with me on a little cot.

The next day I demanded to be moved to another room so that my baby could visit me. My wish was granted but Calvin could not leave the nursery because he had to get a tan:) he needed the billirubin lights for 12 hours. I was able to go see him once that night. I had bad lab work and was grounded to my room until my platelets increased.

Day #3 I was doing better but silly little Calvin didn't want to eat. He wanted to sleep! So he and to get a feeding tube. Therefore was not allowed to leave the nursery. The condition in which the tube could be removed were that he not need to use it for 24 hours. In order not to use the tube he had to drink about an ounce of milk every 3 hours without spitting it up. That meant for me pumping every three hours and getting the milk to the nursery in time for his feedings so that the nurses did not give him formula ( that he liked to spit up) and then since I seemed to be the only one with enough patience, I sat in the nursery with him and fed him and burped him. At 2am he gave about 6 little sneezes and out came the tube. He didn't need it anyway!

Together at last! The next day I was able to be moved onto the regular post partum floor. I swung by the nursery on my way to my new room to inform the pediatrician that I would be sleeping in the same room as my baby and I would be taking him home the next day. He told me that Calvin could be released from the nursery but that he could not go home Friday if his weight fell below 4 lbs.

Friday He was 4lbs exactly! We were both discharged. As a family of 5, we headed home.

Damen and Athan were beside themselves with excitement! As you can see on Damen's face he had forgotten that he wanted a sister!

Calvin was such a peanut! So skinny and delicate. His skin was like an old man, saggy.

But he grew too quickly!

Calvin is by far, my sweetest baby. Just smiles and loving stares. He has warmed the heart of each member of our family. I cannot imagine my life without him.

He has now tripled in size. A 4 months old, he weighs 12lbs 5oz. He loves to sleep on his face or with a blanket covering his face. He loves his Daddy and his brothers but especially his Mommy! His forehead is ticklish and his favorite place is his changing table.

Priceless. There are no words to describe the love that fills my heart as I kiss each one of these boys goodnight.