Heavy Heart, Happy Times

"Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

Constant thoughts of family and friends has my heart heavy lately. Or perhaps the stress of the holidays, the decreased doses of Arizona sunshine. Maybe it is simply some delayed post-partum depression. No matter where the heaviness in my heart has come from, there is no denying that I am spending a whole lot of time, inside my own mind, analyzing life and not coming up with many solutions. I'm not at all unhappy. I just feel like there is something missing that could make me a little more happy, there is something I am lacking.

"Never mistake motion for action" -Ernest Hemingway

There has been, as usual, a lot going on for our Family! The boys going to school 5 days a week, they continue to have jujitsu class twice weekly. I think everyone has been sick in the month of November, except for me, I don't have time to get sick. I am working 3 nights a week at the Hospital, sometimes 4. Colt works when he can. Between work being slow and his Crohns flares, he is home a lot. He doesn't mind, and I don't mind if he doesn't. Working full time for me isn't ideal but I went to college for a reason and supporting my family is what I need to do. My boys are loved! If I am meant to be a stay at home mom, we will win the lottery. In the mean time, hi ho hi ho. We are lucky to be able to have a one-income household and get by. My job is enough to pay the bills and feed our growing family, that is all we really need.

"Prosperity is only an instrument to be used, not a deity to be worshipped." -Calvin Coolidge

I have had a few incidents at work with patients and fellow nurses that...don't care. Whether about themselves or others, not caring, makes me sad. I hate to look at a person and see emptiness. I realize that I am very blessed and that I have reaped what I have sewn in both fortune and misfortune, but to live day to day in shallow, darkness and resent me? Why? Why not take an opportunity to defeat the odds and rise above what has been laid out for you? Why wallow in self pity and anger towards those that have no control over your situation. The media is over run with self-indulgent people that have no regard for other human emotions. Sickens my soul.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." -Samuel Johnson

I like to take opportunities like these to do some soul searching. Try to find the root of my hearts heaviness and either come to terms with it or do what needs to be done to relieve it. These quotes are all from honest tea bottles that I drank from over a year ago. The inner label had these quotes printed on them, I liked them so I cut them out and taped them to my pen box at work.

For the record. I miss my sisters. I am extremely "homesick" with out them and the east coast is so far away. I realize that I have not a plane nor the money for a ticket so all I can do I try my hardest to talk to them often and embrace the siblings that are close and try and mend any emotional distance we may have, if possible. It is becoming apparent to me that growing up didn't take place when I moved out of my parents house, or when I had a baby, or when I got married, it is happening now. I have to learn to adjust to life not as the middle child of seven or the middle sister of 5. (Hillary: we need more pictures together! I'm positive that some exist however, between my phone and FB there were none that I could find! This is unacceptable to me.)

Despite all the heaviness in my heart, the heavy schedule continues. The boys each had a school Thanksgiving play, so cute! I worked all around Thanksgiving but Colt cooked a wonderful meal! It was our first time hosting Thanksgiving in our home and I think it went great! The food was seriously the best I have ever had! My husband rocks! Poor Damen was sick almost the whole week of Thanksgiving with a tummy bug which is still making its way through our family. He is missing from the picture with santa because he didn't feel good. Athan informed me that was not the real Santa because he smelled like swiss cheese and his beard was falling off! Way to go Walmart Santa!