what I can do....

I can't feed the world's hungry.
I can't create world peace.
I can't hold every abandoned, starving, or dying child and tell them that I love them.
I can't make people change.
I can't Cure my husband's Crohns.
I can't stop my boys from growing up.
I can't make any body in my house clean more.
I can't make anyone be a better parent.
I can't get utilities for free.
I can't make Doctors care more than they want to. Not about my patients. Not about my family.
I can't make Athan understand that his life is great.
I can't decide when anyone dies.
I can't make medication work.
I can't make people change.
I can't make enough money.
I can't understand why anyone, would ever hurt a child.
I can't have anymore than 24 hours in a day.
I can't have a regular sleep schedule.
I can't change any one's life, not even mine.



I can do the dishes.
I can do the laundry.
I can feed my children three meals a day (most of the time)
I can take a bath at night if I have the energy.
I can go to work full time and make enough money to support my family.
I can teach third and first grade.
I can kiss each one of my kids every day and tell them how much I love them.
I can control whether or not I have any more children.
I can choose to "keep" my husband, and love him.
I can feel secure in my marriage.
I can turn on the water and the lights.
I can trust my husband with all my heart.
I can go to bed at night and fall asleep, stay asleep through the night.
I can find a balance between work and family and do my best to leave each at the door when I transition.
I can hold my head up and do what needs to be done in any situation.
I can see my siblings and parents as often as I can.
I can adapt, evolve, change as life needs me to.
I can look into a person's eyes and see who they are.
I can have the best life, today, right now.
I can do all these things, by myself if I have to, like I have had to so many times.


These are a few of the things that run through my head, at midnight when I realize that Colt is too sick to do the dishes before bed like we planned. I had just gotten out of a relaxing bath, was ready for bed, then I saw the sink, and looked at my poor husband curled up on the couch. I was angry. At him, at his disease, at my life. Then, I realized. That being angry or sad was dumb. I am not the one curled up in a ball from pain, nor do I want to be. I would rather do the dishes. Why do we waste our emotions on such petty things? What's the use of getting so upset over a sink full of dishes? I strive that one day, I do not have to have this talk with myself.