You can live without me

"I don't know how I would live without you" That is the text message my dear husband sent me after consoling one of his friends after losing his soul mate in a car accident. This of course while very sweet, was discerning to me. While I don't want him to sit around and think about how he would be able to live day to day without me, I certainly want him to know that he must.

Colt,
We plan on growing old together but it isn't our plan to make. I firmly believe that when I leave earth it will be because I was ready and knew that you would be OK without me. Your time in this life without me will just be a breath compared to the time we will share beyond this life. During our time together, we made plenty of couples jealous. There are so many people that go through their lives looking for what we have, never to find it. I consider us both very lucky for having each other for the time that we have had. With your loving heart, I know you can find love again. I know there is a person that would be honored to spend their life with you in my absence. I hope you would allow that person into your heart and into our boy's lives.

Together, we have created three of the most beautiful boys I could ever dream of calling my sons. They are my most treasured accomplishment. For them you would have to go on. Through them, I will always live on. Whether I die at 100 or tomorrow, I know I have done right in my life when I look into their eyes. They are my purpose for living. Thank you for creating them with me.

I love you so very much. More than words could ever describe. From the moment I let you into my heart it has only grown stronger. I could never ask for anyone to love me more. If I am not able to be here every morning to wake you by kissing the back of your neck, know that I will be watching over you.
Your Soul Mate
Amantha Nielson

Damen,
You made me a Mommy. From the moment I knew that you were growing in my belly, I knew what my purpose was. I plan on watching you graduate high school and college, get married and have children of you own. That is not my plan to make. I promise that I try, every day that I am blessed with my life, with your life, to make that day count. To make that day we have together bring happiness into your life. Don't ever lose you happy spirit, or your kind heart. Never change your passion for all things to be fair. Please don't grow up too quickly. I love you son. I will always be with you whether I live on this world or in the next.
Mommy

Athan,
God gave you too me when I least expected it. I wouldn't have it any other way. You have taught me more about being Real, and Kind, and opened my eyes to what awaits us beyond this life. I have never held more intelligent conversations with a 4 year old as with you. You have always had a window into another realm and I hope you never let the light quit shining into that window. I wish I knew how to make you stay a boy forever as I know that is what your heart desires. Just remember, you will always be my baby. No matter how old you grow, I will see that little boy spirit in you. Your charm eluminates from your face and always has. Please don't be bitter with the world. Appreciate your blessings, live for right now, not yesterday or tomorrow. I love you. You know that my spirit will live on.
Mommy

Calvin,
Thank you for becoming my son. I had no idea what joy you would bring into our lives until you arrived. I feel like I bonded with you before you were ever born due to our "pep talks" that I would have with you about not coming too early. You're little 4 pound body weighed in heavy in all our hearts. I am so lucky to have you complete "My Boys". You know just what look to give someone who is feeling down and you have always known when Mommy, Daddy or one of your brothers needed a hug. I love you with all of my heart. I hope with all my heart I am given the opportunity to be your Mama until you are an old man but if I'm not, I am blessed to have been a part of your life for as long as I have today.
Mama

While this maybe viewed as morbid. I find great comfort in knowing that these words will be here for the ones that would be affected most if I am to leave this life earlier than planned. I hope that those of you that read my blog would help My Boys to be the men that I have intended on raising them to be. Help Colt. He can do it, he just has to believe he can. I love each and everyone of you and I promise that I live my life to appreciate every moment I have with you.